My aunt went to Fatima and all I got was this lousy Tee-shirt!

It's been awhile since I sat down and touched one of these items …..

I have been a bit busy and distracted, running around the Iberian Peninsula.

It was a wonderful, if not a little surreal three weeks and a half and, like all the time that I take to a new place, I have learned invaluable lessons of life and aspects of me that I had not noticed before.

To begin, I have to sadly accept the fact that I am possibly the worst shod in the universe ( "75 euros? Ok Mr. Wise Guy Street Vendor, I have two 150 !!!"). I also found that when traveling in a foreign country, you should perhaps review the basics basic language. In particular, the basic beverage orders "in the vernacular. I think it may have been away from Spain, leaving many waiter scratching their heads, taking into account that very often step into a bar and trust bark "A wine Pinto Please!"

Invariably, a large glass of red that appear in front of me, so I began to think that my Spanish was pretty hot accident. However, after a week or less than this, while dining at a restaurant in Lisbon, with friends who were much more fluid, which was tactfully told me that if I wanted to order a Merlot, it was probably more prudent to say "red wine".

As a result, the word "Pinto" does not mean red, but rather "small penis" in some Spanish dialects.

This would explain the initial expressions of confusion in the Maître D's face, a smile followed by a less subtle and go out with my drink, often a phallic-shaped container. (Note for the Ford Company – this can only be the reason why its new compact car was not flying off the lots in Venezuela.)

Thus, apart from these minor hiccups, sailed along the adventure surprisingly uneventful.

When you travel to Europe for an extended period time, tend to acquire a little of the Cathedral-fatigue. The architecture is amazing, awesome, do not misunderstand me. However, after visiting some thousand and eight, in a period of twenty-four hours, you are (a bit of guilt) wish to see an outdoor Dunny around Queensland 1955 … only by a change of pace.

This brings me to a curious incident at Fatima.

For those of you who know me well, I do not I am the most devoted person in the neighborhood. I suspect that a man named Jesus Christ walked the Earth at some point and could even have been some very groovy tricks to surprise the masses and feeding them lots of fish and wine (red wine, perhaps?) however, there is nowhere in the Bible that says could do a double Gorgonzola and Roquefort soufflé rise of success – that is the miracle accomplished in my books.

In any case, Fatima is a sleepy little town an hour north of Lisbon in Portugal. It is hundreds of world renown, and welcomes thousands of visitors each year. When you drive into the city, do not seem particularly surprising. The houses are small and white and the tone of the downtown area is very gentle.

As I discovered, Fatima's claim to fame is that supposedly, in 1917, three young shepherds were standing around, minding their own business, when the Virgin Mary came down to deliver a message of faith and goodwill.

As you can imagine, this turn of events was probably a bit disconcerting to pastors. Imagine yourself in a field to the knees in the bathroom of sheep, when a holy apparition appears out of nowhere to say "G'day". I am sure that would have appreciated some advance notice, so at least they could put the kettle on and make the ice cream Vovos.

The Virgin Mary, then proceeded to continue to appear in and out of the coming months (one can only wonder if he ever chose an inappropriate time to put your head in "Hey!? Lady Whoa … Give me a minute … I'm in the can here! ") And as a result, Fatima, now has one of the most visited and venerated in the basilica world.

The monument is quite impressive, even by this little agnostic standards. Faces a large courtyard paved in dazzling white and gold. A large imposing crucifix, at least 3 stories high, thanks to the other end of the paved area and the connection of both in a square is a smooth granite lobby. From the distance, I thought I spotted a large group of dwarves walk the perimeter of this particular area, but the inspection .. r, which turned out to be several people, your knees, moving slowly across the field.

The expression on my face must have said all that, as one of the guides turned to me and explained "They're showing their reverence for the Virgin Mary. People travel from all over the world to walk on their knees up and back of the monument of penance and to show respect."

I turned to look at a young woman, from the pinched expression on his face, may well have been thinking about vacationing in the Bahamas, would have been a better idea, and noticed that carried the heavy knee pads for the ride. The guide nudged me and pointed again to my left. There was a large sign out a wardrobe "RODILLERA hire 20 euros." And there was I thinking he had jumped straight off his skateboard to join the fun.

Just when you thought it could not get any stranger, I went through the area offering sail – a large valley, where you could buy and burn candles for prayer. It seemed clear enough, until I realized that these were not your every day candles.

None of those long, tubular white varieties here.

Suffering from a broken leg? Here! From one of these candles with form of shin. Bit of indigestion lately? No worries, give this candle small intestine and have reason, at any time. Lamento do they have a freakishly large nose. Turn one of these horn Bad-boys and see what comes out in the wash. you have genital warts? I see ….

Sorry, ran out of that mark in the pub last Friday night.

Curiously enough, even for a candle to cure for cynicism …

I joke, but it is a marvel of architecture in sight, and if the total number of people visiting here every year find some comfort, it's a decent place.

One more thing must be said here, however. ……

Besides being one of the world's largest basilicas, but also has perhaps the greatest gift shop saint I've seen. As part of his pilgrimage to the Basilica, are obliged to stop and have a browse around what can only be be described as the Opus Dei-Mart.

Forty-five ships of the statues of Mary, Joseph, Jesus … (and Jesus in 2nd lesser know cousin Gary) … You can buy pocket-sized figures to life 120 kilo-like models … wherever your mood takes you holy.

Offers light was red plastic baptismal fonts, and 50% discount on chocolate crucifixes (for 400 € you can also be seen as the cardinal Maximus IIIVVV sexy purple velvet dress … scepters sold separately). It need not ignore the rows and rows of statues of the Virgin Mary in Caucasians, Asians and African-American ethnic appearance for every need. On the way out there to a priest on hand for any last minute blessings on your purchases. When he is not there (like the day we visited) there is a Do-It-Yourself-Blessing of the font of holy water that can splash around willy-nilly (but preferably not in the copies paper "Miraculous Face of Jesus in margarine).

I bought a T-shirt sporting a picture of Lord Jesus in a couple of swimsuits for my baby niece, whom I hope you appreciate the gesture, the irony … and when it is a little higher.

The funniest thing I experienced during this memorable visit was to hear a husband and wife arguing about the fact that he wanted to send forty pounds mud house of the Nativity set. The husband complained, indignant, he snapped, "You can not put a price on faith!"

Well … apparently, you can …. and three thousand euros, including VAT.

The Lord Almighty happily accepts VISA, MasterCard and American Express as well ….

It's all part travel fun …..

As St. Augustine wrote aptly:

The world is a book and those who do not travel only read a page …

Tune in next time when I'll tell you all about a Moroccan in Pajamas some … that bit my shoulder and called me a communist!

About the Author

Kylie is a well travelled free-lance writer who has been published in several magazines in Australia and the United States including “Honestly Woman” and “Third Coast Marketing”.

Come on in..sit down and enjoy…bring your prescription drugs if necessary.

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