The Mosquito Wedding Feast

We thought we had planned everything perfectly right down to the tiniest detail. We had crossed every T and dotted every I in out quest for the perfect wedding. At least, that is what we thought until the unthinkable happened. How we could have overlooked that one detail, I will never know It started well enough as a casual wedding in the backyard by the pond. All the tables and chairs were set up with little spring wedding favors and flower arrangements. All the guests were seated dutifully. As the pastor delivered his well thought out wedding sermon, it began, subtly at first, and then it worsened.

As I stood by the groom’s side, fulfilling my duties as the best man, a mosquito landed on my neck and began to feed. I slapped it, harder than I meant to and it was pretty loud. Pretty soon, another landed on my cheek. I swatted it away trying to do so as inconspicuously as possible. Then I heard someone else slap some part of his or her body. It was six o’clock in the afternoon when the ceremony started. In another hour, it would be dusk and no one had thought to put out mosquito repellent.

The groom slapped his own face. The pastor paused for a moment, to make sure everything was okay but before he could continue, a mosquito landed on his forehead causing him to look cross-eyed at it. He swatted it just as one of the guests yelped and stood up from her chair and that is when everything started to fall apart.

As I looked out over the twenty or so guests, every one wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts, I saw a cloud of mosquitoes descending upon them like ravenous wolves. The air was as thick as smoke with them. An elderly man stood up suddenly and backed into a table of glasses, two-liter sodas, and garden wedding favors, knocking it over. Metal chairs were clanging together as people stood. Not wanting to be rude, most of them were dancing in place like children who needed to go to the bathroom, swatting at the flying attackers and glancing up at the bride and groom.

I whispered to Pastor Bob to go a little bit faster, before things could really get out of hand. I guess that was wishful thinking as the bride shrieked and shook her bouquet, s cloud of mosquitoes fluttering around it. Finally, she threw it over her shoulder into the crowd of dancing guests. It landed, upside down on an elderly woman’s head and she stumbled backwards over her chair and into the grass.

Now people were cutting and running for the patio doors. One genius grabbed a water hose and turned on the outside spigot. I guess he thought he could fight a pond full of mosquitoes with a water hose. What he managed to do was wet down four or five of the guests who ran in front of the spray, waving their arms like lunatics in an insane asylum fire drill.

The three or four bravely polite women who had kept their composure through all of this finally panicked when a bat swooped down to feed on the mosquitoes. They tripped and stumbled their way over the upturned chairs and water cannon lunatic on their way to the house. In the end, my best friend and his new bride said I do in the living room while twenty crowded people with pink calamine lotion dots looked on and smiled.

About the Author

Aaron Hu is a leading author on a wide range of well published wedding articles. If you are looking for spring wedding favors, E-WeddingFavors.com has the biggest selection available. You will also find all types of wedding favors and much more, all at very affordable prices.

me getting shot by an air canon with a wet t-shirt

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